Fragile (A Guy's Story)

i am extremely and insanely careful because the people who brought me here were careless. i maybe too young to fully accept their life complexities but i am not that heartless  not try to comprehend. i use to believe that they are to take care of me or at least teach me, or better yet, warn me about things that i might need and i should know in dealing life as it is. but hell they never did. so i learned  to protect myself and myself alone. never give a damn to others. i get along only with people that i know i will have a use of. i became selfish and somewhat, cruelly rude. i do have a big heart but i know how to brush it off when necessary. i can hide feelings. lying became easy and normal. but things went differently when some stupid stranger force herself to be part of my life. she smoothly paved the way in to join my big and isolated world. persistent to get me starts to lighten me up, taught me to appreciate the chill-soothing touch of the wind, showed me the beauty behind the seemingly harsh life. she made me sing and dance in the rain, made a fool of myself publicly, laugh like there's no tomorrow, love like forever. but i am still to afraid to fully loosen my guard that i built way way back with my own sweat, tears and blood. to not have the same complexities. i am a coward. i tried to resist and contain things but the freak stranger still won my own game, with my own rules, in my very own battlefield. and maybe i let that happen. maybe i conceded and finally had the courage to risk everything. then my world's not existing anymore. it became our world together. for the first time in my life i am happy and content and assured that everything's gonna be fine. it was. until she became my world, the reason of my survival. i lost my own identity and it was good enough reason to push her away. i suffocated her. i became too possessive that even it's not intentional, i treated her like a property. i became the complexity that i'm avoiding in the first place and it had me costs as much as i can provide for my entire life. and more.

Rain Part I (A Girl's Story)

Why do I like rain? This is one of the many reasons. It was a very rainy Sunday afternoon. I am with someone, we were on our way to a friend’s place somewhere. Suddenly I was asked, “If you are to write something interesting about rain, what is it all about and what would it be?”. I stood still, thinking that I always love the sound of the rain, the chill of it, and the comforts it gives to me. What would I write? I don’t know! Then I smile , and I said, “I’m not a writer.” Unfortunately, the person I was talking to that time was a writer. A good one. So there is no way in a world that will help me escape that conversation. Then he said, “Rain usually starts relationship and witnesses its bitter endings.” I didn’t believe him maybe because I don’t understand what he’s saying. And I don’t really give a damn.

So we went on until we found the place. We we’re soaking wet. We only used one umbrella for both of us (though I have my own umbrella in my bag). The thing is, when it’s raining, automatically we need something (or someone) to warm us even for seconds (better if for hours). Isn’t it? Or you’ll be like a cold rock! Agree?

The next thing happened is that we both decided not to go home yet (after a few hours stay in a friend’s house) ‘coz it was still early and for another reason that we we’re both starving! And so we went to the mall near the place, searched and searched for a fast food resto, ‘till we get tired and saw “yellowcab” in the corner. THERE IS NO TIME FOR SEARCHING FOR ANOTHER! LET”S EAT! I’M STARVING!

You see, I basically don’t know the person I’m with that day. It’s an accident that we need to go to one place at the same time. Our common friend set us up not on blind date thing but for some stupid little org thing. A work on a rainy sunday afternoon. And did i mention that we’re 2-hour late. And the result, we did enjoyed each others company, we talked about a lot of things, we talked about life, we talked about current issues, we talked about people and everything under the sun, and we talked in an open air place, a beautiful greeny, icy and wet place. We laughed. We teased each other. We threw corny jokes. We had fun. So much fun.

And finally I must say, by far, that’s one of the few most comfortable moments of my life.

-the BEGINning-

It started. And I won’t spoil the moment when it had to reach its bitter endings. Why? Simply because I didn’t realize that I would actually experience that kind of thing. It was unexpected. I’m truly blessed. So, instead of mourning and lamenting and talk about the heartaches and heartbreaks, I chose to cherish.

-it has ENDed-

RISK

frightened by the thought of it
anxious yet yearning for it
curious but can't carry regrets
both excited and afraid to be reckless

bewildered 'bout how it'll turn out
for good and bad consequences it may brought out
this "now or never", "all or nothing" game
often quoted: a water-looked shameful flame

take it or leave it i say to you
what's so absurd is that, it has no clue
messed you up or put you in chill
i'm telling you, that's part of the thrill

not taking it is not a bad choice
but missing it is like losing your own voice
going through with it is maybe a just decision
just don't be so fed up with your own confusion

it really is a bonafide spice of life
outcomes may turn out dull or bright
be valiant enough, bring your guts
shun "what ifs" and take the risk

FELICITY

passing through the careless wall
ready to cut, ready to endure
this shameless lad, unfathomable
for nothingness glimpse of survival
though stuck in deserted view
still verbose praising his hero
conquered by the silence of rain
with a warm heart but untamed
bliss describes the outside
there's more in inlying conviction
buried countless sentiments
wiped out by white apparition
unwanted to some, heaven's sake
loved by many like thornless rose
belongst to which garden?
what's a rose without a thorn?