Fragile (A Guy's Story)

i am extremely and insanely careful because the people who brought me here were careless. i maybe too young to fully accept their life complexities but i am not that heartless  not try to comprehend. i use to believe that they are to take care of me or at least teach me, or better yet, warn me about things that i might need and i should know in dealing life as it is. but hell they never did. so i learned  to protect myself and myself alone. never give a damn to others. i get along only with people that i know i will have a use of. i became selfish and somewhat, cruelly rude. i do have a big heart but i know how to brush it off when necessary. i can hide feelings. lying became easy and normal. but things went differently when some stupid stranger force herself to be part of my life. she smoothly paved the way in to join my big and isolated world. persistent to get me starts to lighten me up, taught me to appreciate the chill-soothing touch of the wind, showed me the beauty behind the seemingly harsh life. she made me sing and dance in the rain, made a fool of myself publicly, laugh like there's no tomorrow, love like forever. but i am still to afraid to fully loosen my guard that i built way way back with my own sweat, tears and blood. to not have the same complexities. i am a coward. i tried to resist and contain things but the freak stranger still won my own game, with my own rules, in my very own battlefield. and maybe i let that happen. maybe i conceded and finally had the courage to risk everything. then my world's not existing anymore. it became our world together. for the first time in my life i am happy and content and assured that everything's gonna be fine. it was. until she became my world, the reason of my survival. i lost my own identity and it was good enough reason to push her away. i suffocated her. i became too possessive that even it's not intentional, i treated her like a property. i became the complexity that i'm avoiding in the first place and it had me costs as much as i can provide for my entire life. and more.